I think too much. It’s true. I think so much that my head can’t contain all my thoughts and so they usually spill out onto pages, onto keyboards, into eardrums until other people too come to see that I think too much. I would say 90% of my time here in Scotland I have spent thinking. For anyone who has been away from home for more than a few months, you will know too that what you left behind of yourself eventually finds you again with time. Set out to reinvent my life I have only discovered I cannot paint myself. Things that make me ME come from unexpected experiences, discoveries, circumstances… Perhaps opening up the curtains after 4 days stuck in my sickbed has made me appreciate myself and my world more. I could learn a lot from this little girl:
Ultimately, life is silly. It is silly to be scared of meeting new people. It is silly to judge people. It is silly to be practical.
I am aiming for an approval of my younger self from my older self. When I near the end of my life, I do not want to kick myself for not seeing things in the right way. Just imagine yourself 50 years from now… do you want to regret not doing things because at the time they seemed impractical? I don’t. No ma’am.
Music can often put things in perspective.
The past was once the present, you know. It’s comforting to think how similar they are. There were once people just like us who had the same problems, the same questions. Then they got older, received answers to their questions and saw the reasons for things happening the way they did. There was wisdom and hopefully, clarity.
To affirm that life is what it is, it goes, it ends, and then new life begins.
And in between, there’s big band music.
I am more proud of you each and every day; you amaze me with your insight to yourself and to the world.
As I read your thoughts I can’t help but wonder where they come from, but ultimately realize they are simply part of the big mystery. One generation evolves into the next, bringing with it inherited wisdom and learning, but also creating its own along the way. It’s that which you’ve created as your own that surprises me because it didn’t come from me or Mommy or anyone or anywhere else the three of us have in common.
I know them now as your unpredictable thoughts.
You said, “There were once people just like us who had the same problems, the same questions. Then they got older, received answers to their questions and saw the reasons for things happening the way they did. ”
I do not think that age will give us the answers to our questions. I doubt being old will bring clarity. It will bring along different perspectives, yes, and a way to look back … but the answers are with us in the present – simply unanswerable. Things are probably most clear when they seem most unclear. Certainty is relieving, but not very exciting. There are questions we will never have the answers to … and the way to live with that is to know and accept it. Love and Faith have something to do with acceptance. Age will not conduct conviction, and neither will location or seasons or music. We use these joys to fill in what we can and be happy, and sometimes we use them to kick ourselves down. And it’s important to understand that such a balance is needed…but it’s always best to try and stay on the side where joy resides, because otherwise it’s not worth it.
I hope you like band music because it’s what you’ve labeled to fill your life! 🙂 🙂
I just love your posts Sarah! They are like a warm cup of tea on a rainy day! (Or a welcomed break from health law…) I think it’s funny you posted a video of some big band music. I have actually gotten in the habit of listening to Ella Fitzgerald and Billy Holiday on Pandora when I study…and then I find this haha! Seriously I think I was born in the wrong era, or I had a past life as a flapper girl…